No, Cello is NOT Life....

So, the other day when I posted my latest edition of my cello blog, I posted my tagline, #celloislife at the end of it. Well, someone responded with "Cello is NOT life, but it is very important." So today, I decided to address my tagline. Happy Cello'ing and Cello is Life.

Practice, practice, practice! You need to practice all the time! You should spend a minimum of two to three hours a DAY to practice your cello. You should eat, sleep, and dream about your cello. PLAY, PLAY, PLAY!!!!!!! ...No, this isn't the kind of "cello is life" that I'm talking about. Obviously, yes, practice and time with your cello is important, but that's not what I'm referring to when I say "Cello is Life."

Music has always been a central focal point in my life, both personally and professionally. I've been playing flute since I was ten years old. Music accompanied me all the way from middle school, into high school and I even tried to make a career out of it. You read about that in my first blog, but there's something there that I didn't tell you. Music is, quite literally, life to me, and very likely to other people.

My daughters were born in 2004 and 2005. Until that time, I'd been playing non-stop for 20 years. After I graduated, even though I didn't go into music therapy, I taught private lessons and had several students. I loved being immersed in it and helping others achieve their goals. I helped them learn new pieces and improve their tone, technique...everything that goes with being a musician. But after my second child was born, all that changed. I had gone on maternity leave, and shortly afterward, my students all moved on. Some just quit band, some graduated, and others just lost interest. I continued to play, but life happened, and my playing eventually just... stopped.

The depression started to engulf me. I felt myself sinking lower and lower, and then all my emotion just went away. I was numb inside, and didn't care about much of anything. Then one day, I found myself floundering for a direction. ANYTHING to try to engage my emotion. The thought of suicide crossed my mind, and scared the hell out of me, but the more it happened, the less it scared me. I didn't care about anything anymore. Thankfully, I had the sense to get help, and ended up in the hospital for a few days to get past this darkness that had engulfed me.

With the help of a psychologist, I decided on a new career in my other thing closely resembling a passion through my depression... automotive mechanics. I was great at diagnosing problems and I could use my musical ear to hear differences in how the vehicle ran. I got hired on at a dealership, and I was doing pretty well for myself...but then my marriage collapsed. After six months of separation, my family reunited, we moved to Tennessee, and then... life REALLY happened. I got a commercial driver's license, and became a trucker. After 18 months of that, I lost that, too. I got very sick and had to come off the road. Another move to a new home, and three years of silence, during which my mood never really improved.

Then it happened. I went with my husband to a guitar store and found it.... I picked it up, and chord by chord, my body started to remember. I found the D chord, then the G chord.... each chord bringing me closer to this instrument that I'd picked up simply because I loved the look of it. It drew me closer to it. I walked past it twice, but the third time, I couldn't.

Are you seeing a trend here? Purple cellos, teal guitars....

I felt the music coming back into me. I looked at the price, and I could afford it. I sat it upright on my lap, with my head in the cutaway, and gave my husband what he calls "the pouty face." This guitar was going home with me. Period.

As I re-taught myself the chords I learned in college, I felt myself gradually coming back to life. I was sitting on my front porch, and fell apart in tears, grateful to have some FEELING again. Music had come back into my life, and brought my emotions back with it. My youngest daughter then took up saxophone, and I helped her learn breathing techniques and began to teach her. Thanksgiving came, and I decided to try my hand at piano.... and there was a sale at an online music store. My husband let me order a very nice 88-key digital piano. As the music came back to me, so did my soul reopen. I began to reform bonds with my daughters, my husband, and my God.

The piano lessons, then the cello.... this is why my tagline says "Cello is Life." Not because the cello has consumed my life, but because it helped me find it again.

Happy Cello'ing! #celloislife