Naysayers, Haters, and Facebook Gators

Hey... it was catchy and it rhymes, and I'm a musician. So shoot me.

Your dog tucks his tail between his legs and slinks out of the room when you pick up your cello. Your kids put on their headphones and go to their bedrooms. Your spouse makes you go down to the basement or another room to practice. Or you still live with your parents and "how long are you going to kill that poor cow you're murdering?" You feel defeated, deflated.... Ladies, we go in our room, flop on our beds and cry. Guys, you just put it away and quit. If you haven't run into this problem yet, either you're a prodigy, or you live alone.

I have been blessed to have a family that loves listening to my pathetic attempts at songs like "O Holy Night" and "Memory" from Cats. Scales are their mercy.... I'm in tune there, at least. But when I try to learn a piece, I haven't gotten the concept in my head of just pizzing out the notes with no rhythm, because I am THAT stubborn that I am going to get this right (hint: don't be like me...). So, my bow squawks along, scratching agonizingly as I fish for the pitch I'm searching for. Nailed it! Oh, no, wait... that's a C-sharp. 3, not 2. Rats. My wonderful family just says, "It's okay. You're getting better and we can tell."

But then there are days that I can't even stand myself. I've even considered quitting cello altogether because I felt like I was doing so badly at it. My husband has come down to find me in my cello chair, crying in a heap. (He just brings me a glass of water, dries my tears, and says "You'll get it.") In fact, I just did that lovely little thought process two days ago. If your family is unsupportive, that probably happens a LOT. I'll be honest. I do it once a month, even with supportive family. Last month, I was at a Steven Doane masterclass and there was an 11-year old playing in a string quartet, flanked by 15, 16, and 18-year olds, playing Dvorak's American Symphony. By the end of the 1st movement, I was fighting back tears. He plays circles around me, and he's 11! What am I doing and who am I kidding? I'll never be as good as this kid... Trust me. If it hasn't happened to you, it will.

Yet, here I am, a month later, still playing. I keep finding reasons to keep going. Why? Because the night after that masterclass, there was a symphony concert, and I was reminded of WHY I wanted to play cello. More than that, I met someone who encouraged me, told me I was ambitious, and was genuinely excited that I'd decided to take on the challenge of cello. What really turned me around that night? An invitation to a very simple, non-threatening get together for the holidays, for cellists of any level. She had no idea how much that would spur me to keep playing. I was on Cloud 9 all the way home. I thank her for that.

Find someone who supports you! There are groups on Facebook, such as The Apprentice Cellists Club, that have people who will cheer you on and still give you gentle corrections. There are teachers there who can help you with advice, books...anything you need. Yes, support can be found on the internet, but it's even more critical to develop a personal relationship with someone who can be there for you when you want to quit. Someone who, when you don't feel like even trying, will tell you to go put your butt in your cello chair.

Now it's time for the realism. If you decide to post videos of your playing on Facebook or some other internet outlet, you're going to get them... the Facebook gators I mentioned! Be prepared for this! The internet can be great and full of support, but it can also crush you. Now I'm going to let you in on a little secret.... It's not personal. I cannot stress this enough. People can be ruthless. "Can't you see you're doing everything wrong?" "Why would you buy such a cheap instrument? You sound terrible," et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. Opinions are like... well, you know. Everyone has one. You have a choice. You can let it destroy you, or you can let it motivate you!

I let someone crush my dream the first time. I swore it wouldn't happen again with cello. Yes, I have my pity party. I cry about how bad I am, and how frustrating it is to not be able to play the beautiful melody I hear in my head with perfection, and I cry more about this than anything. But then I'll get up, dust myself off, pick up my cello, and practice the hell out of it. Now I have to prove them wrong... not for their sakes, but for MINE. Let their negative comments be a reason to call up your cello teacher, not to quit, but to ask if you can work on that particular technique or piece at your next lesson.

You're going to encounter haters, even very possibly within your own family. DON'T QUIT!

In fact, do the very opposite. Put in more practice time.

"But I already practice for HOURS." Okay, then maybe you need a different teacher, or maybe your technique needs polishing. If you practice for hours and make no progress, or very little progress, then something needs to change, even if it's what you're practicing. Sometimes we want it SO bad that we hit a brick wall, or a plateau, and then one day, BAM! There it is. But if you give up, it will never get there. Find what works and use it, but don't let the naysayers and nasties tell you that you can't do this.

Happy Cello'ing!